In the Thick of It
This is our story about overcoming fear and anxiety, and finding a strength from within that we didn’t know we had. When Alex and I married, we had been together for almost ten years and knew we wanted to start a family right after marriage. Little did we know we were about to come up against a significant barrier. That barrier was infertility. If you or someone you love has gone through infertility, you know the physical, mental, and financial toll I’m talking about. Month after month, we would hope for two lines on the pregnancy test only to be disappointed. This happened for years. I never knew how badly I wanted to be a mom until I thought I couldn’t have a baby.
Social media was filled to the brim with pregnancy announcements. It seemed as if everyone was pregnant except for me. I wanted to be happy for my friends with every fiber of my being, but I was so sad for myself. Those emotions I felt were real and raw. Infertility has always been a taboo subject, so I honestly didn’t know much about myself or my body until we started this journey. Throughout our journey, I learned how many people struggle with infertility; the numbers are daunting. I am embarrassed to admit how little I knew about infertility until it became our life. Because it’s so taboo, I want to share a snippet of our infertility journey in case you or someone you love is in a similar situation.
We met with a fertility specialist at Boston IVF at the Women’s Hospital at the end of 2021. We did all the testing and met with all the specialists. We were thrown issues from all angles! Alex was dealing with male infertility, and I had reproductive problems, as well. Our fertility doctor wanted to do a procedure to remove a wall in my septate uterus before we started IVF. Although this was not the cause of my inability to conceive, he was concerned about my ability to carry to full-term with the septate. We scheduled the procedure right away.
But, after talking with my insurance carrier, we realized that the procedure would be wholly out-of-pocket and not even go towards my deductible. We wanted this medical procedure covered because we would pay close to $20,000 out-of-pocket for IVF! I called my personal OBGYN to see if she could operate. She was on maternity leave, so I had to wait until she returned to discuss the procedure. Lots of tears and waiting. Our infertility journey felt like it was a constant waiting game. Surgery was finally scheduled for June 2022. After the procedure, I had to wait eight weeks for my uterus to heal before we could safely start IVF. In the meantime, we met with BIVF’s finance department to discuss payment needs, and all of my medications were then sent to the pharmacy. We received all of my IVF medications in August of 2022.
Cetrotide. Gonal-F. Menopur. Pregnyl. Lupron. After two weeks of giving myself these injections, I had given myself seventy-one total injections into my abdomen and hips. It was time for the next step. We finally arrived at our egg retrieval day. Our retrieval produced thirty eggs, which is a beautiful number. They were placed in a culture and prepared for Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI). With ICSI, a tiny needle injects a single sperm into the center of each egg. This is a different fertilization technique used than the traditional route – we used this technique due to the male infertility factor.
The fertilized eggs were assessed on the second and third days after retrieval. If sufficient embryos show good development, they may be selected to grow to the blastocyst stage. Embryos at this stage have a higher implantation potential. We received a call from the clinic that we had twenty-two fertilized eggs. They closely watched those fertilized and would let us know which reached the blastocyst phase. While we were waiting for more news, I started to become extremely uncomfortable. One night, I was brought to my knees in sudden stabbing pain. I looked 5-6 months pregnant with the swelling I carried in my abdomen. After a call to the doctor on call, I was asked to come back in for an ultrasound. The ultrasound techs found free fluid in my ovaries and showed me that my ovaries were incredibly enlarged. Before we started IVF, I was told I was at higher risk for developing Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. OHSS is brought about by overstimulating the ovaries with gonadotropins. I had a lot of risk factors for developing OHSS, which were discussed during a previous appointment. If it gets too severe, hospitalization is required, and I was not about to let that happen. The pain, the nausea, the discomfort, the swelling, and the weight gain had made that week miserable, but thanks to my proactive doctors, we were able to catch the onset of any OHSS and prevent it from progressing.
In September of 2022, a tiny embryo was transferred to my uterus. But, more waiting. Was the waiting ever going to end? The blood draws, injections, ultrasounds, and procedures. Always check a calendar or clock for medication doses at specific times and appointments and wait for the next step. The next result. The next answer. And now, we wait some more. All we could do was hope and pray that the embryo stuck. We were fortunate enough also to be able to freeze eight other embryos.
On September 27, 2022, Alex and I got the call that we were officially pregnant. I felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. We had an early ultrasound a few weeks later and could hear a solid heartbeat. On Thanksgiving morning, my patient portal was updated, and we received our genetic testing results to see I was carrying a healthy baby girl!
We decided on the name Olive. Olive comes from the term “Olive branch” and symbolizes peace, and I can’t say we were ever more at peace after our IVF journey. One thing I never questioned throughout this journey was my love for Alex and our love for this baby. Some days throughout my pregnancy, I wanted to complain about silly things like back pain, fatigue, or heartburn, but then I reminded myself how fortunate we were to be there.
Olive was born on June 1, 2023, at 9:14 pm. It was a moment we had dreamed of, hoped and prayed for, and fought daily for. So many days were spent wondering if we would ever make it to parenthood. It was a literal dream come true. A part of me never thought the day would come. I had no idea that this would be my path. I still find myself having to pinch myself. I want always to honor my journey and never lose sight of the journey we’ve been on.
While I can only speak about what our experience was like, I hope the details of our journey might help another family. It’s mind-blowing how much strength and courage you need when you’re in the thick of an infertility struggle. It’s difficult not knowing what your future looks like. Our hearts go out to anyone currently in the thick of this struggle. I see you. I hear you. I’m here for you.