For Family and Friends

The loss of a baby or a pregnancy can be difficult to comprehend for the parents but also for family members and friends. It is important to first put yourself into the shoes of the parents who have just experienced loss. Try to understand what the child or potential child meant to the parents and how the loss is impacting them not just now but in the future.

The loss cannot be measured by the child’s time of existence but think about how important the child was to the parents.  It is important to show empathy to the parents. 

Examples of empathy are below:

VALIDATE the parents’ feelings as each person grieves differently.  There is no correct way to grieve and no written time line. Grief is not a one size fits all situation. 

IT IS OKAY to for you to not fully understand what they are feeling or going through.  Just being present or someone to talk to may be more than enough.

ALWAYS SHOW COMPASSION to the parents by being considerate of their time and needed space.   

BE RESPONSIVE AND AWARE.  Always look for non-verbal cues from the parents during this time. How you respond to these cues is key as they may feel obligated to have you around, but might also need space, their alone time, silence, or time together as a couple to process what they have just gone through.

UNDERSTAND that a new baby will not replace a lost child.  The loss will live with them forever and be a part of their life.

Grieving parents live through their loss every day.  As there is no timeline for grieving, always be aware of what one should and should not say.

Here are some examples of what to say: 

 I/we will be praying for you.

I’m very sorry.

This must be hard for you.

There are no words that will help heal this time for you, just know we are praying for you and are here for you.

Will it be okay if we talked about how I can help you guys during this difficult time?

How are you doing?

Make sure to acknowledge both parents, not just the mother-both parents lost their child. 

 

Here are some examples of what NOT to say:

At least it was early on.

At least you can get pregnant.

Thankfully you are young and can try again.

This baby was not in God’s plans. 

Miscarriage is very common-it happens to a lot of people.

It will be fine. 

Remember to always stay in touch over the long haul. Always understand that a request or time for help may not be right after the loss. Check in with the parents periodically as they may need space at first but need your help after a few weeks.