Men: It is Okay
Excuses. It is no secret men go to the doctor less and will make any excuse possible so that they do not have to go. A survey by the Cleveland clinic found that 77 percent of men surveyed (1,100 in this survey) stated that they would rather go shopping with their spouse than go to the doctor. In the same study, 82 percent of men try to stay healthy to live longer for friends and family who rely on them, yet only 50 percent engage in preventative care. This is one of many studies that shines light on how men do not take care of their bodies, but why?
We think we are invisible, bad health conditions will not happen to me or my family. We make poor decisions and eat bad food. We do not want to be seen as weak to anyone around us. We do not have time to take care of our health, we are too busy. Should we continue or do we get the point?
This idea of tricking our brain works well until life hits us in our face. Maybe you start drinking because of stress and work. This leads to one drink and then over time to a full bottle of wine every night. Or maybe you experience loss like you never have truly felt before with it being close and personal. This leads to depression and anxiety like you never felt before. A sense of helplessness with a wonder of how tomorrow will come and be able to put one foot in front of the other.
If these sound familiar then you are not alone. This was me on two different occasions. There are ways to move forward in life even when it seems like it is impossible. I know it may seem like you are in quicksand with no path forward and want to just give up, but you are never alone no matter what you are facing. It is okay to ask for help! Being a man is about being tough, but there comes a point where being “tough” equals stupidity!
Megan and I experienced 4 miscarriages along the way to having our child this past year. Each took a story of its own and the dates of loss hang on our Christmas tree every year with separate ornaments. Miscarriage number 4 led me to my darkest time. For more than a week I would truly lay on the floor daily and cry. I was not crying because of my own loss, but why should Megan have to go through this pain. Why are we stuck in this vicious cycle of life? It was not fair in the least bit and selfishly I wanted an answer right then and there. Grief is no small thing or experience. One may not fully get over grief, but over time the feeling of grief lessens. There is no defined time limit of grief.
Do Megan and I think of our losses, absolutely. We have talked to individuals of all ages that still think about their loss many years later. It is a story of trial and tribulations. A story of redeeming and new life.
Our losses led me to regain my faith like I never had before and build a connection and bond with Megan we didn’t know existed. The connections through our trials and tribulations continue to grow daily in our faith and love for one another and Jesus.
You ask, how can you say loss and difficult times made you stronger? In my lowest times, I leaned in on Megan to help me. I went to therapy on several occasions. I begged, pleaded and screamed at God for help. The scars I had were huge and bright, but I was reminded often that Jesus has scars just like me. Our lives are shaped and molded that lead us down windy paths. Sometimes the paths are correct, while other times not, but Jesus is there to help us along the way if we let Him. Brokenness can lead to strength and success.
For me, we have one chance here on earth. How are we going to make the most of it? It is truly up to YOU. You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. A daily routine is truly where everything begins and ends. Begin working on a new daily routine. One that will start looking at your setbacks not as dead ends but as detours. A detour to a greater destination and one of fulfillment in your life.
There is no better time than June to start working on your own health. June is Men’s Health Month. Yes, a month to help the part of society that does not take care of their body. Earlier, the study stated that 82 percent of men try to stay healthy to live longer for friends and family who rely on them, yet only 50 percent engage in preventative care. It is time to take a stand and change. Recognizing and preventing health problems is not just a personal issue. It impacts your family and friends should something happen to you or you are not your normal self.
In the end we all want five more minutes in our day to do something or talk to someone. Unfortunately, we don’t always get what we want. It is important we get to work now so our most prosperous time is in front of us. It is okay to take that first step to seeing a counselor, finding a church, putting down the bottle, eating healthier or even being on your phone less. It is up to YOU.
XOXO
Mark