Adoption: Thankful for the Journey
Philippians 4:6 reminds us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
Although some bible verses can be hard to comprehend, this verse appears pretty simple. Just because it is easily understood however, doesn’t mean it is easily followed — especially for couples struggling to conceive a child.
Do not be anxious about anything. As for me, I lived in a state of anxiety and anger. Like many couples, our early struggles with infertility were not known by many of our close friends or family members, let alone the general public. As a school teacher, I was constantly met with questions from students, colleagues, and others asking when I was going to have a child of my own. These questions, mixed with watching other couples getting pregnant and having children with little to no effort, both planned and unplanned, made the struggles even more difficult to understand and handle.
But in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Although I remember praying often, my prayers were sent with much more indignation than trust. At that time in my life, I had plenty to be thankful for, but these things were overshadowed by the one thing we wanted more than anything - a child!
Earlier this year, I heard a song by country music artist, Thomas Rhett, that I think relates so well with this bible verse. It opens with: There's been times where I thought that my prayers never made it past the ceiling, much less the sky. And I've had doubts and questions about my faith, but I don't really even know why or how.
For couples struggling to conceive a child, most of us can probably relate to these times feeling like our prayers were bouncing off the ceiling and not making it up above the clouds. Some may question their faith and God’s plan when the chapters aren’t being written in the order we think they should be. This is easy to do when we are so focused on what we want and feel we deserve, rather than all of the gifts God has already blessed us with and the plans He has for us.
What started to turn it around for me was when my wife and I made the decision to grow our family through adoption and we partnered with an adoption law firm that we felt comfortable with. For the first time, we had a plan that most of our friends and family knew, allowing them to provide support along the way. We made the decision to adopt an infant at birth, but didn’t specify the gender. Although there were still unknowns and we were unsure where our adoption journey would take us, we felt confident it would end happily as parents to a beautiful baby. That is not to say the tough days ended, but they were nothing compared to the earlier days.
Our adoption journey started like many others with a home study and inspection. We had to prove our house was suitable and safe for a child. This led to us putting a nursery together very early on. Although this nursery provided a constant reminder of someone to come, it was also a constant reminder of someone we didn’t have yet. We were unsure if a baby would be in that crib in a few months, a year, or five years down the road.
We never imagined we’d get a call, matching us with a potential birth mother, who was planning to give birth in less than two weeks to a baby girl. We were able to talk with the birth mom over the phone the next day and she agreed to move forward with the adoption with us as the adoptive parents. Although I’m sure the next ten days were filled with many last-minute baby purchases, baby-proofing the house, and much more — those days are very much a blur for me.
Although we had no idea what to expect, through the grace of God, we were able to be at the hospital the morning our daughter was born. She was born at 7:32 AM. We were able to meet her for the first time and her birth parents around 9:45 AM. We will always be grateful for those few moments with our daughter and her birth parents. That was our one and only conversation in-person, and we took our new daughter with us to our hospital room. She would visit with her birth mother a few more times during the hospital stay, and would later receive a pink bear from her as a gift which our daughter still snuggles with to this day.
It is fitting that November, a month known for the Thanksgiving holiday, is also National Adoption Month. National Adoption Day will be celebrated on November 19 this year. There is nothing I’m more thankful for than our adoption journey — a journey that we are still on now with our smart, spunky five-year-old daughter. I’m thankful for our family and friends that supported us along our journey. Most of all, I’m thankful for our daughter’s birth parents who made the brave choice of adoption and chose us to raise this most precious gift.
Although my early prayers were stamped with indignation, my prayers today feature a much more healthy dose of thanksgiving. Our story is special and beautiful, and it is my favorite story to tell. But our story wouldn’t be the same without all of the chapters, even those chapters I didn’t want or know I needed. Luckily, God was holding the pen and had the perfect plan all along.
May we all remember to not be so focused on our own wants and desires when we pray, that we forget to take time to thank God for all the blessings he has graced us with.
This November, let us all keep those kids waiting for a forever home in our prayers. Let us also pray for those parents - biological, adoptive, and foster, along with those still waiting to understand God’s parenting plan for them!